It's the little things

Even though my rock climbing lessons are officially over (I'm still debating whether to take more lessons or go climbing on my own, indoors), I'm finding that this journey has affected more than just my ability to climb a man-made monstrosity.  In little ways I'm finding my life improved, and rather unexpectedly.

The other day I decided to clean the top of a bookshelf.  I avoid cleaning high places as a matter of course, partially because I'm short and so I can't see it (if I can't see it, it's not there, right?), and partially because that would involve standing on a stool.  In any case, the next thing I knew, I was standing on a stool with a dust rag, cleaning a depresisngly well entrenched colony of dust off my shelves.  It wasn't until I was halfway through wiping that embarassing shelf down that I realized that I was on a stool and wasn't in the least bit nervous, let alone scared.  That felt like a huge breakthrough to me - I was no longer at war with stools!

It wasn't until much, much later that it occured to me that not only had the stool not triggered a fear response while I was on it, I didn't even think twice about climbing up to clean that shelf.  It didn't even occur to me that I was supposed to be afraid of being off the ground.  To me, this means that the CBT that I used, alongside the climbing lessons, worked on more than the superficial level of being able to climb a wall.  It worked on my subconsious, so that I am no longer hyper-aware of the different levels that I may need to be on. I don't pause before I stand on a stool, or climb on a chair to get something I can't reach from the ground.

I've come to the conclusion that I need to do some more research on how CBT can fundamentally change a person's thinking and response - beyond what I originally thought - which was that it would help me work past my fear.  It's done more than that: it's fundamentally changed how I look at the world and where I am spacially in it.  Occupational and physical therapists call this "spacial awareness," and it's something that I never realized how hyper-aware I was until I no longer felt it.  Facinating!